Father,
I feel stuck.
Should I fight harder than ever right now? Father, I have some flu-like symptoms, and my mind had been wandering around some unfruitful territories.
I'm making a little too much noise typing right now. It may sound like I'm working on a typewriter. Maybe typewriters were better-suited for furious writing the way flip phones were more suitable for angry phone calls.
I think I’m trying to do too much at once: I was looking up some existential questions, and I'd been thinking about writing an introductory post to my blog. I've also been meaning to finish that letter to my classmate.
And Father, You know about the things we're not willing to admit to, so I won't act like You don't.
Urghhh!
I feel like one of those flies that had been stuck in amber for centuries. It's only been a few hours since I woke up, but I wanted to do so much today. I can’t tell why I feel off on some days, and the fact that I can’t come up with an explanation bothers me even more, feeding my negative thought cycle.
Right now, even my mother's voice is irritating me.
I think the last time I felt this way was when I was first ready to accept Christ as my personal savior. That phase was horrible, some of the worst days of my life.
I'm listening to Hillsong's Here Now (Madness), and Father, I'm so grateful for these fellow believers' music.
I'm also thankful for the people who taught me how to write. Thanks to them, I can write about boring things like this, and I get to be irritating with my writing. But it's better than opening my mouth and bothering someone about it.
Thank You for loving me even when I'm like this, Father.
Love,
-w
Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.
Matthew 26:41