Fraud

Letters to my Creator (Putting out my book collection one letter at a time)

Father,

Thank You for giving me the sort of peace that transcends time and for the depth and height of the love of Christ, which doesn't change.

Thank You for reminding me that I'm a complete creature in Your family, even when I feel like a fraud who'll never finish anything she started. What I perceive to be a lack of discipline and persistence bother me to the point where I question my own identity. I mean, I don't think I've ever worked hard enough on something to fail well at it. 

But I know You've called me to be Your daughter, and nothing I accomplish on this planet can add anything to that identity. So, may I never forget that. 

Some things still manage to throw me off, though. A casual behavioral remark that a friend gave about me some time ago made me feel defensive. My worst suspicions about how others perceived me were confirmed. 

I felt like I was on the bad side of mediocre and like I'm both inadequate and too much to handle at once. I wondered how people even tolerate me. I love them either way, Father. 

But apparently, I do really care about what others think of me. And ultimately, what people think about me is determined by what I do or don't do in general. 

So now, thank You for Your love, which doesn't change.

Father, help me keep my eyes where Christ is seated, on Your right hand. And though I hope to help others through the tools and skills I've been given, I pray that I never become so paralyzed by the fear of others' reactions or my personal failings, I fall short of Your calling. 

Love,

-w

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Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is our life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory.

Colossians 3:2‭-‬4 NKJV